damn..
I just cut myself shaving now , I was thinking of you sweetie, I was thinking how much I miss you and how happy I am that I am going to see you finally. It's been a busy week, but you know I would never miss an opportunity to see you, and now I should look my best, and you always told me how much you liked how I look when I shave , probably because my beard feels like needles to your lips when you kiss me, and just for the sake of that kiss, I never showed up with a beard when I came to meet you, except when I had exams, or when I would see you on a thursday, you knew I always shaved on a sunday and that's why you loved to see me on sundays.

I am wearing your favorite shirt, and that tie you gave me for our first anniversary, do you remember honey? It was that time of the year one year ago when we had started talking, it was the first time I ever had a conversation that long with a girl, you see before you I had never thought that I would fall in love this young, and if I did I would have never thought that it would be you of all people. Before I ever talked to you  all I ever thought of you was that you are an arrogant spoiled girl, who talks too much and quite loudly, doesn't know how to behave in public, and had many adventures of her own which you didn't mind to share in public. But that night...I remember that night as if it was yesterday, before that night we were barely colleagues who knew each other on first name bases, but that night we talked as if we had known each other for 20 years, we laughed, we shared our ambitions, and agreed to stay friends for life that night... 

As I was driving to get to you I started switching radio channels, remember how you used to switch the channel before the lyrics of the song even played, because you knew every song from the first note and only had to listen to the first 5 sec to realize that you didn't like the song and you would switch the channel, that was so annoying dear, but the most annoying moments with you were my favourite...

They are playing our song darling, remember the first time we ever heard it, I had told you the story behind that song and there were tears in your eyes, you hated sad love songs and sad love stories, you always wondered "why do true love stories always end sadly? why can't they just live together happily ever after, even fairy tales have to have some true bases in them..right?" I had always held you in my arms then and said "what about us sweetheart? aren't we an example of a happy ending?". you always asked me to sing to you, but I never did, you knew how shy I was so you would always start singing hoping I would sing along too, I never did

Now that I am at the entrance gate of the hospital you have always worked in, I feel excited, I really missed you, remember how you would always be waiting for me here and your face a little red, you hated it when I wasn't punctual, but even when you were angry I always thought you looked really cute. Remember whenever you thought you looked horrible that day you would tell me not to pick you up and you would walk home? But baby you know I always saw you as the only and most beautiful girl in the world, no matter how pale you looked, or how messy your hair was... but I never told you that

I am in the elevator now, and I know what exactly what you would say when you see me, "how was your day? did you have fun? how many girls did you talk to today?" you were always so jealous, you could never stand the idea of me having a full conversation with a girl other than you, and I never did, no girl ever intrigued me enough to spend more than 5 minutes with her other than you, when I looked at girls, it was as if they were different creatures, and you were the only girl on the planet, and you were enough, but still I always loved to tease you, because your face would blush, you would cross your hands, start tapping on the floor with your leg, and if I tried to sweet talk to you, you would break a world record and speak 180 words per minute, words of admonition, of disappointment, of jealousy, and finally of love, you would tell me how you can't stand a girl to look at me for more than a second, so how are you supposed to bear me conversing with girlS, I always felt so happy and guilty that I made you this jealous... and I always told you this would be the last time, but it never was

Walking down the corridor towards you reminded me of the many times we spent wandering those corridors, you were always coming here with me because it was usually me the one who was visiting all the senior doctors asking them for advices and recommendations so that I would get in to a prestigious school, you see I had many plans for us , I wanted a bright future for both of us, you were my motivation, I loved you so much I wanted to give you everything, even if that meant a lot of hard working, sleepless nights. I didn't mind all of that, but what I didn't like about all of this was all that time spent away from you, I wished there was a time where I didnt have anything to do, and just stay with you, even if we didn't do anything, time spent with you was worth everything, but did I ever show you that?

Finally I arrived at your room, my heart leaped before I drew the curtains away from your bed, I had wished to see a different site from the one I have been seeing for the last 7 months, the site of your eyes tightly shut , your face white as snow, and the sound of that damn monitor ....

I took a long breath, at least I am with you now, I am holding your hand now, can you feel it precious? I know it's my fault you are here, i promised I will always be with you, that I would protect you from any harm, that I will give you the best life yo deserve, and look at you now, will you ever forgive me?

move your toes, move your toes and I will shave every sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and even friday, even if I had exams, even if I didnt have time to eat I will shave it just for you, just move your toes ...for me? sweetie?

what about your hand? raise your hand and I will never forget a single anniversary, everyday will be an anniversary for us , I will buy you roses, I will take you to see venice...remember? we always said we wanted to go there once we were done with our examsm but we never got to..there was always something to do, and now we might never get to go there, just raise your hand and I promise....honey?

hold my hand and I will never turn the radio on in the car, I will listen to you, I want you to keep talking and talking, your words are the only lyrics I want to listen to, your voice the only melody I want to hear, just hold my hand...dear?

stroke my fingers, and I will never be late again, even if there was a storm, I will be waiting for you, you won't have to wait for me anymore , and I will SING, I will keep singing day and night until you beg me not to , I will sing to you cheesy love songs, hell I will dance too!!! see?? you never asked me to dance and yet here I am volunteering on my own to dance, just stroke my fingers with your light touch... sweetheart?

call my name...oh how I wish for you to call my name, I BEG YOU LOVE TO CALL MY NAME, I know that you don't trust me as much as you did before because I never really kept my promises, but love, call my name and I swear to you, I will make sure every day that I tell you that you are the one, you are my first and only love, you gave me life,  you are the one who gave my heart a reason to beat everyday, a reason to rise after life puts me down, and me, you gave me the power and the will to endure seeing you like this, you always believed we had hope, and now you can prove it...

open your eyes, show me that I was wrong in every argument we ever had, show me that you are as strong as I always thought you were, honey I am weak, every time I come to see you I lose a little of the hope left for us, I need you with me , open your eyes for me, and I will spend every breath that I take with you, no more work, no more exams, no more night shifts, just you and me ....please?